The Old Scottish Note

Any paper currency that you're not sure is legal tender. But you have to ask, is this all right? Yes. Do they still use this? Can you use this?

verified Mrs. E. Tindall · TML/F-217 · clerk S.T.A.

The passive-aggressive post-it that you pop on your food in the work fridge.

verified Mrs. E. Tindall · TML/F-217 · clerk D.E.H.

When there's a group of you singing, yeah? And you become conscious that one person really is tone deaf. Oh. Particularly at the end of something. You sort of think, hang on a second, who is that? I'm not going to get everyone to sing on their own. This isn't school, but one of us here should perhaps not sing. That's the old Scottish note that draws your attention to that. ¶

verified Dr. M. Vassiliou · TML/F-201 · clerk H.M.

That three-quarter-inch washer found at the bottom of the charity box.

verified Mrs. E. Tindall · TML/F-204 · clerk M.L.

When you pass wind and it sounds a bit like a bagpipe.

verified Mr. H. Okafor · TML/F-217 · clerk B.J.W.

The devastating slip under your door to say you've missed your Royal Mail delivery, and it's not at the back gate or at the neighbours, but back at the depot. §

verified Mrs. E. Tindall · TML/F-201 · clerk H.M.

An IOU.

verified Mr. G. Coleridge · TML/F-204b · clerk H.M.

The tune whistle when you gave no choice but to join the middle urinal of three to ease the tension.

verified Mr. H. Okafor · TML/F-217 · clerk H.M.

The pointless calorie content list at a chip shop.

verified Dr. R. Hollis · TML/F-204 · clerk N.R.

The noise a Scotsman makes when his fiver's been rejected down south again.

verified Mr. H. Okafor · TML/F-204 · clerk D.E.H.

Any writing on the side of a bottle of lager.

verified Mr. H. Okafor · TML/F-204 · clerk D.E.H.

The reminder you make to yourself to fill your hip flask up before a wedding. §

verified Mrs. E. Tindall · TML/F-217 · clerk P.W.

The message you leave for a parent asking for more independence.

verified Mrs. E. Tindall · TML/F-204b · clerk R.O.M.

Only audible to dogs. It's the pitch of laughter emitted by a Scotsman upon hearing an Englishman who's gone up Cairngorm in November in jeans and a T-shirt.

verified Dr. J. Marston · TML/F-201 · clerk A.D.

The message you take down over the phone when you try and read it back after the call, it just makes no sense at all. ¶

verified Mrs. P. Akande · TML/F-201 · clerk D.E.H.

The list of expletives that comes out of your mouth when you stand on a casually discarded Lego brick. *

verified Mrs. P. Akande · TML/F-217 · clerk M.L.

The squeal a dog makes when you accidentally stand on its tail, followed by the chorus of, sorry, sorry, sorry, says you don't want to lose the trust of your best mate.

verified Dr. R. Hollis · TML/F-201 · clerk R.O.M.

The audible expression of dissatisfaction when last orders is called.

verified Dr. R. Hollis · TML/F-201 · clerk G.L.S.

The one pound note you're keeping, hoping that one day it will be worth something. ‡

verified Mrs. P. Akande · TML/F-204b · clerk A.D.

The terrible accent you use when singing 500 Miles by the Proclaimers.

verified Mrs. P. Akande · TML/F-217 · clerk R.O.M.

The involuntary groan you sometimes make just as you fall asleep, which sounds like Taggart clearing his throat.

verified Mr. H. Okafor · TML/F-204b · clerk G.L.S.